It was another hot, sunny, Tuesday afternoon. I pulled up in the village and before I could even step out of the jeep, Yenseli and Taina, two of the girls, came running up to grab my hands. I'd like to say we walked together, but really, I was pulled... I'm learning to keep my balance when I'm with these two.
We arrived at Marie Ester's house, the amazing woman who opened her heart and door to me, and grabbed ourselves a few white plastic chairs. The girls would not let go of my hands, but instead, began playing a sing-song game with my fingers where they eventually ask me for the name of someone I like and then sing out the syllables as they count over my fingers. The poor finger that they land on gets pulled, and if it cracks, then the person whose name I gave likes me back. Needless to say, I tried to engage the girls in a different game after awhile for the sake of my fingers.
It started to drizzle a bit so I moved my chair up to the little porch and we all cramped in. More girls had joined us by then and we were discussing dreams, unfortunate medical experiences, and other interesting topics, while a group of boys were out back playing with smashed bottle caps on strings. When all of a sudden, we heard one of THE loudest cracks of thunder!
All the girls screamed and grabbed a hold of one another while all the boys came running through the house, terrified, to meet us in the front. It was like the scene out of the Sound of Music, only I didn't break out in chorus.
It wasn't but seconds later that we all burst out laughing. These are the little moments I live for.
The boys stuck around, leaning on the porch banister, and joined our conversation. One of the boys caught eye of my fingers and asked, "Are those engagement rings?" You'd think I'd tire of this question, but it never gets old.
I explained that I'm not married, I'm not engaged, and I'm not seeing anyone, but that one of my rings was given to me by my father and I explained its meaning. Then he asked, "how many kids do you have?" Again, I shared how I don't have any kids, but I would like to someday.
"When will you have kids?"
"When I'm married... in the church. I wont have relations with a man until I'm married."
I stressed "in the church" because people here use the Spanish word for "married" when couples are living together outside of marriage. He then asked how old I was and figured out my age.
"She said she's getting 'married' when she's 15," pointing to one of the girls sitting at my feet.
"Oh, really... why 15?"
My new friend shrugged her shoulders timidly and smiled. This, of course, opened up a conversation of its own with both the boys and the girls. They shared stories of friends just years older than them who are "married" and how that's normal here.
With a sly smile, one of the boys said, "I can't wait any longer than 15 years old."
"Ok, fair enough... But, what if God has THE perfect wife for you... but you have to wait for her long after your 15th birthday? Don't you want God's best?"
The 11 year-old boy raised his brow and thought about it before nodding his head.
Each time I go out into the village, I have no idea what conversations will arise, but somehow, God always brings it back to this one thing and I don't even have to initiate it.
Not only that, it seems like everywhere I look these days, there's something being spoken about this topic...an article about making an idol of purity, a blog about how we shouldn't wait till marriage, a bible class about God's covenants and purposes for marriage...
It's as though God is strengthening my resolve for such a time as this.
So... why wait?
Well, my parents told me from a young age that sex is for people who are married. That was enough for me at the time. I loved God and I loved Jesus and wanted to do what was right.
Of course, I eventually came of age, had my own questions, and discovered that not everyone waits till marriage. I even relaxed my belief on waiting when I was in college and living with my sorority sisters; being the odd one out, I felt ashamed of my virginity at times. But I still knew that I at least wanted my first time to be with someone I loved.
Then God stepped in and swept me off my feet.
He truly protected me and kept me safe those years I wasn't following Him closely. How easy it is to be tangled up in the things of this world.
God showed me what He sees when He looks at me and placed a renewed desire to wait. This is what God wanted me to do and I trusted Him. I knew marriage was holy and sacred and that God made woman for man so that they might not be alone, but did I really understand the reason behind this decision?
A month ago, the Ministry Training School I've been attending through my church began the last chapter of our Foundational Principles study entitled "Covenants."
We discussed various covenants made throughout the bible and how people enter into covenants with one another for means of protection, mutually beneficial sharing of resources, and/or love. But more specifically, we delved into blood covenants.
A blood covenant is "simply the agreement or contract between two people or parties, sealed by the shedding of blood. It is the most enduring, most sacred contract known to man because it forms a permanent tie or union" (Goodman 121).
God made covenants with people throughout the bible with men like Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David, but He made a new covenant with us through the shedding of His Son Jesus' blood. Our sins are washed away and we can have abundant and eternal life. It is finished and it is permanent.
So, what does this have to do with marriage and waiting?
The marriage between a man and woman is a blood covenant. There is the exchanging of names, the covering of protection as the bride leaves her father's house and joins her husband, and they love one another. But more than that, according to Jewish custom, the marriage would not be fully consummated until the couple became "one flesh" and their sheets publicly displayed to confirm the purity of the bride and the marriage. No blood and the covenant could be annulled (Goodman 123).
The thing with marriage is that it's not just physical or emotional, it's a spiritual covenant before God sealed with life-giving blood.
So why does it upset me when I read blogs that say "I wish I hadn't waited," or hear people ask "you only want to have sex with one person?" and "don't you want to make sure the sex is good before you get married?"
Come on now... Sex is more than just physical pleasure.
God made man then He made woman, and He blessed them, saying "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it..." He saw everything that He had made to that point and it was not only good, but very good. (Genesis 1:27-31)
Did you read that?
Sex is very good. I'll be completely honest... I can't wait to experience this one day with the man God has chosen for me. I'm not naive enough to think that it will be perfect the first time, but what does all that matter anyway? Besides, we'll have the rest of our lives to perfect it.
Marriage is so much more than sex. It was created in the Garden and is intended to be a covenant and promise we make with one person for the rest of our lives. You literally become one flesh with someone else to accomplish God's purposes on earth. How beautiful is that?
But you want to know something? This is totally against everything these kids are being told and witnessing in their day-to-day life.
As a missionary, I question myself sometimes... "What are you doing? Are you trying to change a culture?" But I have to remind myself that the culture I'm bringing is not American either. It's God's culture. It's a Kingdom mentality.
I believe beyond anything else, as I've mentioned before, that God wants to use me as an example. I am the furthest thing from perfect... my sexual purity doesn't make me perfect, nor does it define me, but it is Christ in me who is perfect and it is He who defines me.
You want to know something more?
My fervent prayer for the past year has been that God would send a man after His heart to pursue my own in front of His children. A man whom the boys look up to and aspire to be like... a man whom the girls admire for his faithfulness to God and to me. There's a hunger for this.... it is so rare here, it breaks my heart.
Of course, I long to be with the man God has chosen to be my husband, but more than that, I long for God to be glorified in our story and that many come to know His love through our lives. I know God is using this season of singleness to pursue His heart, to speak into the lives He's given me, and to prepare myself for what lies ahead. I truly love this season, but I know God has more.
I cannot express enough that your prayers are more powerful than you can ever imagine. I beseech you to pray for the kids and youth of the village I'm in, and for myself, that God would give me wisdom and "the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary" (Isaiah 50:4). I am so very grateful for every one of your prayers.
(If you want to join me in praying for my husband, feel free to do that, too.)
References taken from:
Goodman, E (2005). Covenants. Foundational Principles, Ministry Training School Level Two. (pp. 121, 123). Fayetteville, NC. Gospel Team Outreach, Inc.
We arrived at Marie Ester's house, the amazing woman who opened her heart and door to me, and grabbed ourselves a few white plastic chairs. The girls would not let go of my hands, but instead, began playing a sing-song game with my fingers where they eventually ask me for the name of someone I like and then sing out the syllables as they count over my fingers. The poor finger that they land on gets pulled, and if it cracks, then the person whose name I gave likes me back. Needless to say, I tried to engage the girls in a different game after awhile for the sake of my fingers.
It started to drizzle a bit so I moved my chair up to the little porch and we all cramped in. More girls had joined us by then and we were discussing dreams, unfortunate medical experiences, and other interesting topics, while a group of boys were out back playing with smashed bottle caps on strings. When all of a sudden, we heard one of THE loudest cracks of thunder!
All the girls screamed and grabbed a hold of one another while all the boys came running through the house, terrified, to meet us in the front. It was like the scene out of the Sound of Music, only I didn't break out in chorus.
It wasn't but seconds later that we all burst out laughing. These are the little moments I live for.
The boys stuck around, leaning on the porch banister, and joined our conversation. One of the boys caught eye of my fingers and asked, "Are those engagement rings?" You'd think I'd tire of this question, but it never gets old.
I explained that I'm not married, I'm not engaged, and I'm not seeing anyone, but that one of my rings was given to me by my father and I explained its meaning. Then he asked, "how many kids do you have?" Again, I shared how I don't have any kids, but I would like to someday.
"When will you have kids?"
"When I'm married... in the church. I wont have relations with a man until I'm married."
I stressed "in the church" because people here use the Spanish word for "married" when couples are living together outside of marriage. He then asked how old I was and figured out my age.
"She said she's getting 'married' when she's 15," pointing to one of the girls sitting at my feet.
"Oh, really... why 15?"
My new friend shrugged her shoulders timidly and smiled. This, of course, opened up a conversation of its own with both the boys and the girls. They shared stories of friends just years older than them who are "married" and how that's normal here.
With a sly smile, one of the boys said, "I can't wait any longer than 15 years old."
"Ok, fair enough... But, what if God has THE perfect wife for you... but you have to wait for her long after your 15th birthday? Don't you want God's best?"
The 11 year-old boy raised his brow and thought about it before nodding his head.
~
Each time I go out into the village, I have no idea what conversations will arise, but somehow, God always brings it back to this one thing and I don't even have to initiate it.
Not only that, it seems like everywhere I look these days, there's something being spoken about this topic...an article about making an idol of purity, a blog about how we shouldn't wait till marriage, a bible class about God's covenants and purposes for marriage...
It's as though God is strengthening my resolve for such a time as this.
So... why wait?
Well, my parents told me from a young age that sex is for people who are married. That was enough for me at the time. I loved God and I loved Jesus and wanted to do what was right.
Of course, I eventually came of age, had my own questions, and discovered that not everyone waits till marriage. I even relaxed my belief on waiting when I was in college and living with my sorority sisters; being the odd one out, I felt ashamed of my virginity at times. But I still knew that I at least wanted my first time to be with someone I loved.
Then God stepped in and swept me off my feet.
He truly protected me and kept me safe those years I wasn't following Him closely. How easy it is to be tangled up in the things of this world.
God showed me what He sees when He looks at me and placed a renewed desire to wait. This is what God wanted me to do and I trusted Him. I knew marriage was holy and sacred and that God made woman for man so that they might not be alone, but did I really understand the reason behind this decision?
A month ago, the Ministry Training School I've been attending through my church began the last chapter of our Foundational Principles study entitled "Covenants."
We discussed various covenants made throughout the bible and how people enter into covenants with one another for means of protection, mutually beneficial sharing of resources, and/or love. But more specifically, we delved into blood covenants.
A blood covenant is "simply the agreement or contract between two people or parties, sealed by the shedding of blood. It is the most enduring, most sacred contract known to man because it forms a permanent tie or union" (Goodman 121).
God made covenants with people throughout the bible with men like Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David, but He made a new covenant with us through the shedding of His Son Jesus' blood. Our sins are washed away and we can have abundant and eternal life. It is finished and it is permanent.
So, what does this have to do with marriage and waiting?
The marriage between a man and woman is a blood covenant. There is the exchanging of names, the covering of protection as the bride leaves her father's house and joins her husband, and they love one another. But more than that, according to Jewish custom, the marriage would not be fully consummated until the couple became "one flesh" and their sheets publicly displayed to confirm the purity of the bride and the marriage. No blood and the covenant could be annulled (Goodman 123).
The thing with marriage is that it's not just physical or emotional, it's a spiritual covenant before God sealed with life-giving blood.
So why does it upset me when I read blogs that say "I wish I hadn't waited," or hear people ask "you only want to have sex with one person?" and "don't you want to make sure the sex is good before you get married?"
Come on now... Sex is more than just physical pleasure.
God made man then He made woman, and He blessed them, saying "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it..." He saw everything that He had made to that point and it was not only good, but very good. (Genesis 1:27-31)
Did you read that?
Sex is very good. I'll be completely honest... I can't wait to experience this one day with the man God has chosen for me. I'm not naive enough to think that it will be perfect the first time, but what does all that matter anyway? Besides, we'll have the rest of our lives to perfect it.
Marriage is so much more than sex. It was created in the Garden and is intended to be a covenant and promise we make with one person for the rest of our lives. You literally become one flesh with someone else to accomplish God's purposes on earth. How beautiful is that?
But you want to know something? This is totally against everything these kids are being told and witnessing in their day-to-day life.
As a missionary, I question myself sometimes... "What are you doing? Are you trying to change a culture?" But I have to remind myself that the culture I'm bringing is not American either. It's God's culture. It's a Kingdom mentality.
I believe beyond anything else, as I've mentioned before, that God wants to use me as an example. I am the furthest thing from perfect... my sexual purity doesn't make me perfect, nor does it define me, but it is Christ in me who is perfect and it is He who defines me.
You want to know something more?
My fervent prayer for the past year has been that God would send a man after His heart to pursue my own in front of His children. A man whom the boys look up to and aspire to be like... a man whom the girls admire for his faithfulness to God and to me. There's a hunger for this.... it is so rare here, it breaks my heart.
Of course, I long to be with the man God has chosen to be my husband, but more than that, I long for God to be glorified in our story and that many come to know His love through our lives. I know God is using this season of singleness to pursue His heart, to speak into the lives He's given me, and to prepare myself for what lies ahead. I truly love this season, but I know God has more.
I cannot express enough that your prayers are more powerful than you can ever imagine. I beseech you to pray for the kids and youth of the village I'm in, and for myself, that God would give me wisdom and "the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary" (Isaiah 50:4). I am so very grateful for every one of your prayers.
(If you want to join me in praying for my husband, feel free to do that, too.)
References taken from:
Goodman, E (2005). Covenants. Foundational Principles, Ministry Training School Level Two. (pp. 121, 123). Fayetteville, NC. Gospel Team Outreach, Inc.
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing. Cheryl
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful prayer for your husband, that your story could also be an example for those kids!
ReplyDelete