Here We Go Again...

Sometimes I want to slap myself.  Like, really slap myself upside the head and ask, "what were you thinking?"

What have I done this time?

Pray.  That's what I did.

There's a whole slew of things I've prayed for and God has answered far more abundantly than I could have ever asked or imagined.

This goes both ways.

For example, when I replied to the Lord's prompting with "send me, I'll go (for 6 months to a year)," I wound up with 2 years, 8 months, and still counting.  Lesson number one... don't put God in a box.

God also answered my prayers in where I'm living and serving now, so far more abundantly than I ever thought possible.  Pretty awesome.

Then, you all know how my fervent prayer for protection last year turned out.  I got one ferocious canine that wants to tear you limb from limb, but also enjoys affection and a playful game of fetch.

As you may recall from my last post, I jokingly inserted a prayer to God that He not bring me another dog now that I'm praying for protection once more...

Well, here we go again!

A couple months back, when Lucas had just discovered how easy it is to jump the walls to scout the land and socialize with other dogs, I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to get another dog to keep Lucas company, I'll do it... but You have to bring it to me, I'm not going looking for it."

You'd really think I'd have learned by now to be careful with my prayer requests... but truly, I haven't regretted a single one.

I know what you're thinking... "Lauren, are you serious? You can't even control the crazy dog you already have, how are you going to take on another?"

To be fair, I only share about his crazy antics.  Let me write some positive things about Lucas for a change.

• He responds to the commands sit, shake, down, and stay... about 90% of the time

• He knows that he is NOT to touch his food until I give him the signal to start eating

• His incessant barking through the night has decreased significantly (I strongly believe that's because I started praying that he only barks when necessary); and

• He plays fetch (though we're still working on release)

When I return in September, I have plans to start training Lucas with a good lead.  I know this requires consistency, and to be honest, I think that's a big reason why I hadn't started with him yet.

A friend of mine at bible study put it ever-so-kindly that if I put the same discipline into training Lucas as I do in spending time with the Lord and reading the bible, then Lucas would submit in complete obedience.  

Ouch... that stung a bit.

Here I am discussing how the majority of problems in this country stem from a lack of good stewardship, when I, myself, am being a poor steward over the animal God has given me. 

Feeding him, loving him, and providing shelter for him is not enough.  I'm called to practice authority over this creature and discipline him.  

My friends tease me about the tone I use when I tell him "come" (you'd think I'm saying "run away!") and I often feel hopeless as to whether he will ever see me as pack leader.  They even encouraged me that I should start a morning ritual of looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "I'm a Pitbull leader... hear me growl!"  Thing is, I have to believe it myself.

Once we work a little with a lead, I'm going to start taking Lucas running with me to burn some energy.  I have to fight my fear of being dragged like the last time we went running.  I guess that was payback for the first time where I was dragging him as a puppy!  Literally, passersby were laughing at his stubbornness... or maybe at my lack of authority over a puppy?

Still think I'm crazy?  

It's ok... my neighbors will think so, too.   They probably already think I'm a little strange.  Just the other day, I was playing tug-of-war with my yard.  You read that correctly.  I was pulling up weeds and, by golly, I lost!  I'm sure it was a sight to see... there's that crazy white girl pulling at the grass again.

Anyways, are you ready for me to finish the story? 

While lifting up a prayer request at bible study for Lucas' obedience and the healing of his back leg,  it was suggested that I get him a friend. I shared how I've spoken with the Lord concerning this before.  If that was His will, I'd do it, but I was a bit reluctant because my hands are already full with the one I have. 

      Lucas' separation anxiety over me leaving him led him to chase my car into another dog's territory. 

This was when one of the ladies shared how she's still looking for a home for a 12 week-old puppy that she's been nursing back to health.  She told me that the dog is a female and wont get much bigger than a chihuahua, but that she holds her own among the 10 other full-grown dogs on the property... that is saying a lot when 2 of the dogs are a Rottweiler and a Great Dane.  

Oh, and are you ready for this?  Her name just so happens to be "Princesita"... Little Princess.    

Yea, I had another one of those "Ok, God... what are you up to?!" moments.  I can't even begin to tell you how many of those I've had in the last few months... no, make that years. 

God has told me to be a Lady-in-waiting in raising up His princesses here and it would be just like Him to give me a little princess of my own.

I agreed to go check her out.  The three of us ladies went to meet Princesita after bible study on Wednesday... and it was love a first sight. 

How precious is that face? 

I kept saying out loud, "Darnit... ugh....really?...ugh.... darnit..." as I knew in my heart God wanted me to adopt her.

Now that Rottweiler is one ferocious pooch.  

My friend has agreed to keep her until I return in September which is a tremendous blessing.  I can't say I didn't see this coming, especially since I had prayed, "...not my will, but Your's be done."

I'm excited for Lucas.  I believe the majority of his problems stem from a lack of exercise and loneliness, and I don't believe The Lord would bring us another dog if she wouldn't play with him.  Princesita won't be much of a guard dog, but she will hopefully provide Lucas with the companionship he craves. 

Princesita's rescue has left her in a stint to help her leg set properly

Our little family is growing.  Please rebuke me if I ever think about getting a cat.  THAT will be the day I've gone too far... go ahead and sign me up for a psychiatric evaluation while you're at it.

Looks like I'm adding one more princess to the training list!

She's a feisty one!

Maybe Lucas wont be so eager to jump in my car whenever I leave now!

Given Up to Lust

Do you remember that blog post a while back about it being a "man's world"?  

Well, to give you an update, I didn't end up going back out to Puerto Plata to get my car looked at.  I had this gut feeling that I shouldn't allow that gentleman to help me at the other shop, no matter how good his intentions seemed to be.

I don't know what is going on in the spiritual atmosphere lately, but my righteous indignation is kicking up again and my tolerance is growing thin.  I haven't been this worked up over something since last year when the dogs were in heat outside my house (you can read more about that here).

So, what am I getting all angry about this time?

The men here.

(Get ready for some full out ranting)

Waiting at the stoplight, I get kisses blown my way by men twice my age.  Disgusting.

At the beach, which is the ONLY place close enough to home where I feel safe to run alone, men have started to follow me with their eyes before their feet join behind me... at least my speed is improving now.

In the village, macho adolescents think it's funny to enlighten me with the little English they know that "you want to f*** me." ... Really? This is news to me.

And I cannot even drive down the street outside my house without getting suggestive looks and smiles from motoconcho drivers waiting at given stops along the way.  I feel like I have a personal fan club waiting for me every time I drive by...

Being a gringa makes me stick out, especially since every Dominican man is raised and encouraged to find their "rich" white girl.  Dude, I'm living on faith that God will provide my next paycheck! But it's not just me.  Every woman here has received these cat calls, stares, and the all-too-familiar hisses at some point in their life.

You know, around this time last year, I began praying fervently for protection.  I had men visiting my windows and offering to "buy" my smile... whatever that means.  One man even told me he had a dream that he gave me roses and then asked if I liked roses.  This man also would linger in his car outside my classes while I was teaching and just stare at me... I'd move from one side of the room to escape his looks and he would pull his car forward to follow me.  I kept praying he would get a hint, but he followed through in bringing me flowers and candy before the year was over.  I still get the heebie-jeebies thinking about that guy. 

If you haven't forgotten, God answered my tearful cries with a dog.  I was thinking more along the lines of a husband when I was praying...  God sure does have a sense of humor!

Well, I've found myself praying once more for protection (Lord, please don't send me another dog... the one You gave me is more than enough!).  Lucas has become quite the aggressive guard dog and has gotten mighty close to attacking men who have come on the property without permission.  Good boy!

Before I turn in each night, I pray over Lucas and over the property- for a hedge of protection and for angels to stand guard.  In the past month, God has even lovingly asked for me to keep my front door gate locked at all times.  I chose not to lock it one morning as I was hanging laundry, going in and out of the house, and immediately God said, "Don't become relaxed on this one.  Please honor me in my request."

I strongly believe, though he drives me bonkers, that Lucas is so aggressively protective for a reason, and I have to thank God for that.  I was discussing with my friend recently Lucas' desire to shred to pieces a neighbor that came to my front door.  I have an unsettled feeling about this neighbor in particular and my friend suggested that something else might have been going on.  

"Like what?" I asked.  

"Like lust or other intentions." she replied. 

"You think Lucas can pick up on that?"

"I don't know, but something is heightening his resolve to protect you and his property." 

Funny she should mention lust.

I'm reading a book right now by Bob Sorge titled A Covenant with My Eyes.  The title is based off of a covenant Job made with the Lord that he would not look upon any woman with lust (Job 31:1).  The book discusses covenants, the importance of and battle for sexual purity, and what making such a vow means in this day and age.  Any Christian man, single or married, who has been to Sosua should consider reading this book... Lord knows the temptation to look is at every corner.

I was running on Sosua beach this week with a friend and, once more, that anger began to rise in me.  Women, wearing next to nothing, posing for a photo shoot while rolling in the sand and water, about drove me insane.  For the full 40 minutes of running back and forth, these girls were taking photos of themselves.  There were also prostitutes scouting out their next job, and other women who have no shame letting it all hang out.  I was getting angry for my running buddy's sake!

And, of course, I received "encouragement" from the male peanut gallery, as well.  "Corre! 1, 2, 3, 4!... 1, 2, 3, 4!"  That's greeeaaat... you can count in English! ... Like I've never heard that one before.

But I digress... 

Lust.

It is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body.  In this case, I'm talking about strong sexual desires for another person. 

Jesus was very direct when it came to lust.... 

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.  For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.  For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." Matthew 5:27-30

If people truly heeded Jesus' words, there'd be a lot more people walking around with one eye and one hand.  Yet I feel that this country is lost in a sea of lust. Sex is ev-er-y-where.  It walks down the street.  It smiles at you from a billboard. It dances with you in a bachata song.  

Just spending time with the girls in the village has proven to me how deeply rooted sex is in this culture as the girls move their 11-year old hips seductively in dance and beckon the attention of grown men nearby.  

There is a difference between a friendly gaze and a lustful gaze, and unfortunately, I don't come across too many friendly gazes from men here.  

As I was spending time with the Lord last night, my bible fell open to Romans so I began reading the first chapter.  In it, I felt God was answering my question as to why this culture is so saturated in sexual lusts.

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  For His invisible attributes, namely, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.  Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen." Romans 1:18-25 

Truth is being suppressed in this country and it's not for a lack of knowledge.  It would be extremely hard for you to find someone in this area who has not heard of Jesus.  People have been given the invitation to accept Him, but, more often than not, they are not willing to give up their sinful lifestyles yet.  They are without excuse.

In turn, God, in His loving kindness, has given Sosua up in the lusts of its heart to impurity, to the dishonoring of its bodies among themselves, because it has chosen to exchange the truth about God for a lie.  The people here are worshiping and serving sex rather than the Creator of sex.

The eyes of my heart were enlightened when I read this scripture.  God is not going to force people to repent or turn from their unrighteous ways, because He wants them to choose Him.  He knows what He wants for His children and has declared this over them, but if they don't want to walk in the freedom and joy and love that is waiting in abundance for them in Christ, He will give them over to their lusts.

This grieves my spirit.  Not that God would do this, but because of the disobedience of man.

Please, don't get me wrong. I, too, have battled with lust.  As fallen creatures, I believe sex is an area where everyone will have some sort of battle, because it is an essential part to fulfilling God's purposes of filling the earth with His righteousness.

What I'm experiencing right now among the male population is deeper than just flirtatious and longing looks.  There is a generational curse and a cultural stronghold at work here. I really have to bridle my tongue and check my heart.  I have to remind myself  daily to hate the sin and love the sinner when everything inside me is cringing and crying for God to make all things new.

Another thing that gets my goat is why men here aren't working to provide for their families.  There are all these men just sitting and waiting on the side of the road with their motos because that's their occupation in life.  Other men sit outside their own homes all day.  Now you tell me... if you have nothing to do but sit around, what is your mind going to think about?   Proverbs 16:27 (TLB) even says that "idle hands are the devil's workshop." 

What has happened to this country? I know the government has much to do with the current state of the Dominican Republic, and education (or lack there of) is a huge contributing factor, as well.  But what happened to the desire God has placed in every man to provide for his family?  Lord, restore this desire in the men here in a pleasing way!

There are so many ministry and mission programs here on the north coast, but what fruit is being produced? What good are we doing if there is no lasting change and transformation? My heart's cry is for God to raise up godly men and women to disciple His lost sheep.  That is what this country needs.

You know... maybe it's time for a little furlough.  Don't you love God's timing?  I head out August 26th for my little brother's wedding in Baltimore and I cannot wait to see family and friends back home in Orlando for a while, too.  I think it may be good to step away for a few weeks and remove myself from the constant bombardment of this over-sexualized culture.

I do love the Dominican Republic, but I love God more.   Things, as they are, are not ok.   

I'm ticked off.

"How will you know?"

I didn't want to go out to the village yesterday.

Really, to be 100% honest, I get this way at about 3:00 pm on the days I plan to go out there.  

I fight with my flesh, my fears, my insecurities.  I think, "what are we going to talk about?"... "should I have prepared something?"... "what if the girls are busy?"

I can relate so well to Elijah, who upon witnessing the miraculous fiery-engulfment of a thrice soaked altar of God and after single-handedly slaughtering 450 prophets of Baal, hides and barricades himself in a cave because one psychotic woman wants him dead. 

Do you know what God said to him in that cave? "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Likewise, God didn't bring me to the DR to be anxiously pent up in my apartment.  "What are you doing here, Lauren?"

So, an hour before I planned to head out, I grabbed my bible, turned on worship music, and laid down on my bed.  Be still, my soul.  

I've been praying through scripture recently, and yesterday I prayed from Ephesians 3:16-19 that "God would grant [me] to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in [my] inner being, so that Christ may dwell in [my] heart through faith- that [I], being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that [I] may be filled with all the fullness of God."

I feel so weak and so unequipped for this task at times.  My Spanish, though I pray is improving with each passing day, is still mediocre, and honestly, I have nothing to give to this community but Jesus.  I continued to cry out to God to strengthen me through His Spirit in my inner man and to be filled with the fullness of God.  I know I cannot do this alone... nor do I want to.

I think of how wonderful it would be if Jesus, Himself, would be physically manifested and join the girls in our makeshift circle on that front patio every week.  How much easier it would be!

But, you know what? He is... through me.  That transaction was made years ago.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). 

Sometimes, you've just got to sing your way... read your way... pray your way into the Truth.  What a difference spending time with the Maker of the universe can do in renewing our hearts and minds. 

The Lord gave me strength and courage to get in my car and drive out to the village.  As always, before I could even take the keys out of the ignition, little hands found their place on the driver's side window.  Taking their hands in mine, we made our way to our meeting place outside of Marie Ester's house.  

It started out like any other day.  I asked the girls how their day had been and listened as they all got a chance to share. Some of the girls put on a "drama" for me and everyone was just content to be there.  Then one of the girls asked if I ever had a "manzana de oro", or a gold apple (not to be confused with a Golden Delicious apple). I actually have never eaten one, so all the kids, but one, got up and ran to the tree 3 houses away... they were on a mission!

The one who stayed behind was Madelin.  This precious, gentle 11 year-old is the girl who, when we first met, likened me to a princess waiting for her prince.  She is truly hungry for the things of God's Kingdom and is so very curious of my convictions.  It's quite beautiful. 

"I have a question.  You're waiting for your prince, yes? How will you know when you meet him?"

                "You know, Madelin, that's a very good question."

"I mean, what if you meet a guy and you like him and he likes you but he's not the one you're supposed to be with?  How will you know?"

                "You're right.  That's why it's so important to talk to God.  I know God will tell                   me, because I've asked Him to."

Marie Ester then joined in and shared a folk story about a man who was most handsome, a son of a pastor, and had all the money he could want.  Every girl wanted to be with him but he had no interest in them because he was waiting for the woman God had for him.  It wasn't until he met one woman, beautiful beyond compare, that he fell head-over-heals and was certain God was telling him she was the one.  Thing is, the devil also knows God's word and speaks lies to us all day to distract us from God's will.  Well, long story short, he married this woman against his church's concerns and, after they consummated their marriage, his new wife emerged from bathing and came out with blood-red eyes... she was actually a demon!  The man then became crazy and ended up with nothing in life.

Seriously... these are the types of stories the kids grow up with!

Anyways...

Madelin then asked me, "What if you meet a man and you think he's the one God has for you, but then he bathes and comes out with blood-red eyes?"

              "I'd run as far away as I could!"  We both had a good laugh on that one!

I told her how she should come this Sunday to children's church because I'm going to be sharing a story about a man after God's heart.

"You mean King David?"

            "Yes, King David.  I pray that my husband is a man after God's heart like David.             God will tell me who that is.  He will give me peace about it."

Last week we learned about how God had Samuel anoint Saul to be the first king of Israel and how Saul allowed the sin of pride to choke out his calling, leading him into disobedience.  I gave the kids a teaser last week that the next king wasn't someone the Israelites would have thought would be a worthy king compared to the physical appearance of Saul, but that there was something very special about him.

At that point, the kids on a mission came back with a bucket full of manzanas de oro and passed around 3 knives as we peeled off the tough skin.  The girls were asking me if I knew how to peel an apple and studied me to make sure I was doing it right.  It was darn cute how they wanted to take care of me.

As we were doing this, another one of the girls came to sit by me.  I noticed on her right hand she had made a ring out of a silver pipe cleaner and had placed it on her ring finger - the exact same hand and finger that I wear my ring on.  She smiled up at me when I suggested that we're like twins.

And she is not the only one that I've noticed who has started to wear a ring on her right hand now.  Something beautiful is taking place, however slowly it may be.

I've gone out every week this summer with nothing more than Christ in me, and look at what He's doing.  I haven't brought any give-aways, crafts, games, or candy... nothing.  I'm just giving them Jesus, who is more than enough.

We forget sometimes that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).  I shouldn't be surprised, then, when I feel defeated or hear voices of doubt.  Satan is fully aware of the work God is doing and he wants nothing more than for me to stay home and hide the Light within me.

We must stand firm in God's Word, take up the whole armor of God, and know that He who is in us is greater than he who is in this world (1 John 4:4).  We are called to shine God's Light and to be a vessel for His glory.

That conversation with Madelin may have never happened had I given in to fear, nor would the girls have started making rings to signify their desire to wait on the Lord and be pursued by a man after God's heart.

What other things does God have for us to do that we're missing out on because of fear?


"Be on guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

It's a Man's World

I had to make a trip to Puerto Plata yesterday to check the brakes on my Jeep.  Puerto Plata is a good 24 km from Sosua and my tank was on empty, so I pulled over for gas at the Shell Station in Montellano.

The scene was quite humorous... as soon as the attendants saw me pulling up, the sea of motoconchos were parted as they made way for the gringa... because... you know... we gringas all have money...

I rolled down my window and told the attendant how much I wanted.  As I turned forward again in my seat, I noticed two motoconcho drivers within arm's length from my window watching me, one sitting on his bike and the other leaning up against the railing.

"Haven't you always wanted a white girl?" one of the men said to the other.

      The other replied, "Yea, especially a blonde one with a Jeep..."

Alright, here we go, Lauren...  How are you going to respond?  I decided to play along.

                                              "Have you asked God for one?"

The two men, surprised by my response, laughed before answering my question.

"God won't answer us... He's punishing us with the women we already have!" 

They joked in agreement at their response.  I let them quiet down before I pushed forward.

                                              "Why do you think you're being punished?"

I had to repeat myself over the noise.

"Because of how we live.  You're a Christian?" 

     "Wow, a blonde with a Jeep AND she's christian... that's even better!" the other man chimed in,            quite pleased with himself.

                                              "Yes, I am," I said, "Are you christian?"

"Me? No."

                                              "Why not?"

The man smiled, "Some day, but not today."

Unfortunately, I get this answer way too often.  By this point, the attendant closed my gas cap and was writing up a receipt.  I knew I needed to end the conversation soon. 

                             "You know, Jesus is waiting for you.  He loves you... but there will come a time                         when Jesus will return and then it will be too late.  We don't know when that will be."

There was no real reply.  I placed my keys in the ignition and began rolling up my window.

                             "Don't wait too long," I said as I pulled away.

Now, I don't know if the two men loitering at the Shell gas pump had ears to hear these words or not.  Had this interaction come even a year ago, I doubt I would have been able to speak to them without getting riled up.  I probably would have ignored them altogether, but something inside told me to challenge them.

I got back on the road and made my way to the brake clinic in Puerto Plata.  As soon as I pulled in, more men came up to me.  Pardon my language, I don't mean to be crude, but in college when we'd go to parties and there were only men present, we called those "sausage fests"... I felt like yesterday was one big one. 

I prayed for God's favor before arriving because I know how easily I can be taken advantage of as a white woman.  Fortunately, I had been to this shop before and was just getting a check-up.  

The first two men were giving me a hard time when I was explaining the sounds my car has been making...  Crazy gringa.  I've grown accustomed to this by now and I've learned to keep pushing through until someone hears me... like the persistent widow who kept knocking until she drove the judge insane! (Luke 18:1-7)  Believe me, The Lord keeps me trained in this area through prayer.

The owner drove out with me to listen for himself, and, THANK YOU, JESUS, my car made the noises.  We drove back to the shop for the mechanics to take a look.  After the third time of taking the car out for a drive, the owner began asking me personal questions.  

Where do you live? 

How long have you been here?  

Did you move here by yourself? 

What do you do? 

Are you living alone? 

I can be a bit forthcoming with information some times, but I knew this man was an older brother in Christ and I felt comfortable answering his questions honestly... besides, he had a wedding ring on his left hand, too.  I really have a hard time with lying, which is a good thing, but I can be a bit too trusting at times.

When he finally got to the question I knew he originally wanted to ask, I was honest then, too.

"Are you single?"

                            "Yes."

"You don't have a boyfriend?"

                            "No."

"There's no one you're interested in right now?"

Ok, I thought I was safe... where is he going with this?  

I cut in and explained how I'm waiting for the man God has set aside to be my husband and how this is actually part of my ministry to the girls. That I'm teaching the girls to seek God first and to know that they're beautiful, important, and precious, and that God has a purpose for each one of their lives... that they don't have to seek the streets of Sosua in search of a man or settle for anyone less than what they're deserving as daughters of God.  

Silence.

We had pulled back into the shop at this point and he explained how he can take me next week to another shop because the problem isn't with the brakes.  I appreciated his offer to go with me because as he even suggested, "you're a foreigner and well, you know..." Yes, I do know.  

Now I'm just going to have to pray and be prepared for whatever questions are coming next week. I deeeeeefinitely didn't see that conversation coming when I left my house yesterday morning.  I really hope our little talk doesn't come back and bite me in the butt.

If you know me at all, you know the introvert in me needs alone time to recharge.  I was SO ready to retreat to my car and crank some worship music as I made the trek back to Sosua.  I had had my fill of testosterone for the day.  

The song "It's a man's world" came to mind as I reflected on the interactions I had experienced in the expanse of a few short hours.  It really is.  I'm doing just fine here by myself, really... God has been teaching me to stand on my own two feet and speak up for myself.  He has given me a voice and has been strengthening me as I lean upon Him.  But it's still not easy being a woman in the DR.  I have to find a balance of being guarded but not too guarded.  I'm still learning the culture and discerning people's intentions and motives here.  

The scripture from 1 Peter 3:15 comes to my heart now...

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect."

Shouldn't we all be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks us for a reason for the hope that is in us? Though I don't know what God is doing in the lives of all the men I spoke with yesterday, I am called to be prepared to answer in gentleness and respect.  This isn't always easy.

As I am being challenged by this word, I challenge you also to lean into the Holy Spirit this week and prepare yourself for whatever questions or encounters unexpectedly come your way.

Trust me.  It's pretty exciting when God leads.

Why wait?

It was another hot, sunny, Tuesday afternoon.  I pulled up in the village and before I could even step out of the jeep, Yenseli and Taina, two of the girls, came running up to grab my hands.  I'd like to say we walked together, but really, I was pulled... I'm learning to keep my balance when I'm with these two.

We arrived at Marie Ester's house, the amazing woman who opened her heart and door to me, and grabbed ourselves a few white plastic chairs. The girls would not let go of my hands, but instead, began playing a sing-song game with my fingers where they eventually ask me for the name of someone I like and then sing out the syllables as they count over my fingers.  The poor finger that they land on gets pulled, and if it cracks, then the person whose name I gave likes me back.  Needless to say, I tried to engage the girls in a different game after awhile for the sake of my fingers.

It started to drizzle a bit so I moved my chair up to the little porch and we all cramped in.  More girls had joined us by then and we were discussing dreams, unfortunate medical experiences, and other interesting topics, while a group of boys were out back playing with smashed bottle caps on strings.  When all of a sudden, we heard one of THE loudest cracks of thunder!

All the girls screamed and grabbed a hold of one another while all the boys came running through the house, terrified, to meet us in the front.  It was like the scene out of the Sound of Music, only I didn't break out in chorus.

It wasn't but seconds later that we all burst out laughing.  These are the little moments I live for.

The boys stuck around, leaning on the porch banister, and joined our conversation.  One of the boys caught eye of my fingers and asked, "Are those engagement rings?"  You'd think I'd tire of this question, but it never gets old.

I explained that I'm not married, I'm not engaged, and I'm not seeing anyone, but that one of my rings was given to me by my father and I explained its meaning.  Then he asked, "how many kids do you have?"  Again, I shared how I don't have any kids, but I would like to someday.

"When will you have kids?"

                         "When I'm married... in the church.  I wont have relations with a man until I'm                                   married."

I stressed "in the church" because people here use the Spanish word for "married" when couples are living together outside of marriage.  He then asked how old I was and figured out my age.

"She said she's getting 'married' when she's 15," pointing to one of the girls sitting at my feet.

                         "Oh, really... why 15?"

My new friend shrugged her shoulders timidly and smiled.  This, of course, opened up a conversation of its own with both the boys and the girls.  They shared stories of friends just years older than them who are "married" and how that's normal here.

With a sly smile, one of the boys said, "I can't wait any longer than 15 years old." 

                         "Ok, fair enough...  But, what if God has THE perfect wife for you... but you have to                          wait for her long after your 15th birthday? Don't you want God's best?"

The 11 year-old boy raised his brow and thought about it before nodding his head.

~

Each time I go out into the village, I have no idea what conversations will arise, but somehow, God always brings it back to this one thing and I don't even have to initiate it.

Not only that, it seems like everywhere I look these days, there's something being spoken about this topic...an article about making an idol of purity, a blog about how we shouldn't wait till marriage, a bible class about God's covenants and purposes for marriage...

It's as though God is strengthening my resolve for such a time as this.

So... why wait?

Well, my parents told me from a young age that sex is for people who are married.  That was enough for me at the time.  I loved God and I loved Jesus and wanted to do what was right.

Of course, I eventually came of age, had my own questions, and discovered that not everyone waits till marriage.  I even relaxed my belief on waiting when I was in college and living with my sorority sisters; being the odd one out, I felt ashamed of my virginity at times.  But I still knew that I at least wanted my first time to be with someone I loved.

Then God stepped in and swept me off my feet.

He truly protected me and kept me safe those years I wasn't following Him closely.  How easy it is to be tangled up in the things of this world.

God showed me what He sees when He looks at me and placed a renewed desire to wait.  This is what God wanted me to do and I trusted Him.  I knew marriage was holy and sacred and that God made woman for man so that they might not be alone, but did I really understand the reason behind this decision?

A month ago, the Ministry Training School I've been attending through my church began the last chapter of our Foundational Principles study entitled "Covenants."  

We discussed various covenants made throughout the bible and how people enter into covenants with one another for means of protection, mutually beneficial sharing of resources, and/or love.  But more specifically, we delved into blood covenants.

A blood covenant is "simply the agreement or contract between two people or parties, sealed by the shedding of blood.  It is the most enduring, most sacred contract known to man because it forms a permanent tie or union" (Goodman 121).

God made covenants with people throughout the bible with men like Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David, but He made a new covenant with us through the shedding of His Son Jesus' blood.   Our sins are washed away and we can have abundant and eternal life.  It is finished and it is permanent.

So, what does this have to do with marriage and waiting?

The marriage between a man and woman is a blood covenant.  There is the exchanging of names, the covering of protection as the bride leaves her father's house and joins her husband, and they love one another.  But more than that, according to Jewish custom, the marriage would not be fully consummated until the couple became "one flesh" and their sheets publicly displayed to confirm the purity of the bride and the marriage.  No blood and the covenant could be annulled (Goodman 123).

The thing with marriage is that it's not just physical or emotional, it's a spiritual covenant before God sealed with life-giving blood.

So why does it upset me when I read blogs that say "I wish I hadn't waited," or hear people ask "you only want to have sex with one person?" and "don't you want to make sure the sex is good before you get married?"

Come on now... Sex is more than just physical pleasure.

God made man then He made woman, and He blessed them, saying "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it..." He saw everything that He had made to that point and it was not only good, but very good. (Genesis 1:27-31) 

Did you read that?

Sex is very good.  I'll be completely honest... I can't wait to experience this one day with the man God has chosen for me.  I'm not naive enough to think that it will be perfect the first time, but what does all that matter anyway?  Besides, we'll have the rest of our lives to perfect it.

Marriage is so much more than sex.  It was created in the Garden and is intended to be a covenant and promise we make with one person for the rest of our lives.  You literally become one flesh with someone else to accomplish God's purposes on earth.  How beautiful is that?

But you want to know something?  This is totally against everything these kids are being told and witnessing in their day-to-day life.

As a missionary, I question myself sometimes... "What are you doing?  Are you trying to change a culture?"  But I have to remind myself that the culture I'm bringing is not American either.  It's God's culture.  It's a Kingdom mentality.

I believe beyond anything else, as I've mentioned before, that God wants to use me as an example.  I am the furthest thing from perfect... my sexual purity doesn't make me perfect, nor does it define me, but it is Christ in me who is perfect and it is He who defines me.

You want to know something more?

My fervent prayer for the past year has been that God would send a man after His heart to pursue my own in front of His children.  A man whom the boys look up to and aspire to be like... a man whom the girls admire for his faithfulness to God and to me.  There's a hunger for this.... it is so rare here, it breaks my heart.

Of course, I long to be with the man God has chosen to be my husband, but more than that, I long for God to be glorified in our story and that many come to know His love through our lives.  I know God is using this season of singleness to pursue His heart, to speak into the lives He's given me, and to prepare myself for what lies ahead.  I truly love this season, but I know God has more.

I cannot express enough that your prayers are more powerful than you can ever imagine.  I beseech you to pray for the kids and youth of the village I'm in, and for myself, that God would give me wisdom and "the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary" (Isaiah 50:4).  I am so very grateful for every one of your prayers.


(If you want to join me in praying for my husband, feel free to do that, too.)



 


References taken from:

Goodman, E (2005). Covenants. Foundational Principles, Ministry Training School Level Two. (pp. 121, 123).  Fayetteville, NC. Gospel Team Outreach, Inc.