Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Turn and face the strange... ch-ch-changes!

Well, here we are in the second week of the new year.

Goodbye 2015, hello 2016!

I'm always invigorated when I turn a blank page in my journals.  Lord only knows what will be penned next... and a new year is no different!

For me, this year began with a raw aching unlike any before... an aching for a new beginning... a longing for a fresh start.

It has been 3 months now and I still find myself in a period of adjustment.  I had been prepped by missionary friends and bloggers alike of what to expect upon full re-entry, but it appears that nothing could have truly prepared me but the experience itself.

Only recently have I stopped crying... every. single. day... for real, it was becoming quite obnoxious.  The tears will come out of nowhere, too.  Take, for instance, buying a bag of ice.

Yeah.  A bag of ice, people.

As I was checking out, I asked the clerk if she could ring one up and direct me to where I could retrieve it.  In the sweetest of Publix manners, she added the ice to my receipt and told me I can find it in... low and behold... the freezer section.

Wow... really, Lauren?

I felt like such a goofball, but appreciated her kindness as I retrieved the ice myself, loaded the car, and began sobbing on the drive home.

Of all things, why would I cry over such a trivial thing?  It's not like we didn't have bags of ice in the Dominican.  However, whenever I would buy a bag from the local colmado, I had to ask the owner to send someone, usually his son, across the street to retrieve it from a secured location.  This habit of asking was something of which I had become accustomed.

It's just a different system here... no big deal, right?  Yet, the more I go about daily life, the more I realize I'm having to relearn how to do the simplest of things.  It's ridiculous how easily my emotions can be triggered, too, and at a moment's notice I find myself snowballing, missing the way of life in the Dominican and, more so, those who became family.

In essence, I have had to mourn the death of the life I left behind.

I don't share any of this to ask for sympathy or pity.  In fact, that's the very last thing I want or need from anyone.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been difficult.  Some of the greatest things I've enjoyed since being back have been drinking tap water, flushing toilet paper, and showering with a seemingly unlimited amount of hot water.  Oh, and $1.86 a gallon for gas? Sure beats an upwards of $6 a gallon any day!

Entering into this season, I knew the first 6-8 months back would be a time of transition, resting, and waiting upon the Lord for further direction.  From day one, I set out immediately traveling all over the country- reconnecting with friends, family, and churches, and sharing the abundance of God's goodness and faithfulness, which has blessed my soul in the deepest way.

November brought a second wind of adventure as I traveled to both Texas and North Carolina to fellowship with brothers and sisters there...

"Thanksgiving" meal after having the privilege of sharing at Christian Faith Center, a faithful supporter in Texas

Reunited with my extended family in Dilley, TX

In North Carolina with friends I met from past mission teams that visited while serving with Cups of Cold Water (don't mind how I wore the same outfit in Texas... oops!)

 

Reconnecting with Pastor Doug Johnson and his wife Cindy after having been invited to share with Zion United Methodist Church in NC

But, that was the end of last year... This is the beginning of a new year.

So, you may ask, "what are you doing now?"

Well, I'm doing my best to remain centered and content in this season of waiting.

Since settling back down in Florida, the Lord has been gently calling me back into the secret place with a greater intensity, reminding me of who He is as our Bridegroom, our Great Shepherd, our Prince of Peace and our Wonderful Counselor.

In His abundant grace, God is lovingly reminding me that He is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore (Hebrews 13:8) and that He is ever still able to do far more abundantly than all we could ask or even imagine (Ephesians 3:20).  Even when it feels as though I'm drowning in a sea of change, it is He alone who hems me in, before and behind, and lays His hand upon me (Psalm 139:5).

Can I get an "amen"?

As I pray God's word back to Him, that those who wait upon the Lord will never be put to shame (Psalm 25:3),  I'm reminded of all the times the Lord commanded me to wait for Him and upon Him, in His timing and for His purposes... I dare not run ahead of Him now.

So, in this season of waiting for God's direction, I've been led to join the local Bible Study Fellowship in town and have gotten plugged into another community group that will start soon.  I continue meeting with supporters and have been given opportunities to share in two more churches in Florida the end of this month and later in the spring.

I have this overwhelming sense that God has something hidden up His sleeve but, for now, all He's speaking to me is to seek Him, to trust Him, to rest in His love, and to love Him and others more from His heart.  And even more, He's blessing me with the time to do so.

The late David Bowie sang,  "Time may change me, but I can't change time."

I think we all can relate to this verse. Change, rather, transformation, is simply a key principle in our journey with God, and ultimately our times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15).

So often we fight change, trying our earnest to keep something alive, but what did Jesus teach us?

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."    

                                                                                                                          John 12:24

Friend, like me, is there something the Lord is asking you to release?

Paul encouraged the Philippians in this, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain....Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:21; 3:12-14)

I want the most abundant, eternal life, in Jesus, and this comes with a cost.  Dying to self is real.  It's painful.  We have to leave behind ideas, beliefs, things, places, and sometimes even those we love to pursue the One who has made us His own.  And it's worth it.

And so, I leave you with scripture the Lord is stirring deep within me this season...

"Remember not the former things,

nor consider the things of old.  

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"

 Isaiah 43:18-19

...The best is still yet to come.