The Last Two Months

You know that feeling when you sneak quietly into a class that has already begun?  That's how I feel in writing this entry...  though I haven't been keeping up with my blog posts, the world kept turning (imagine that).  Like a tardy student, I hope that no one noticed; however, to catch you up on the past two months, I'll start from the beginning...

I flew home to surprise my extended family at Thanksgiving.  My grandmother nearly passed out as I came downstairs the first morning (you can see the video here).  She stared at me in disbelief, followed by her jaw dropping and then tears.  It was such a joyful reunion since it had been exactly a year since I had seen them last.  I had Skyped with her just days before from my house in the DR... she had no idea of my plans to surprise her.  

After Thanksgiving, I visited with many friends and tried to adjust back into the American culture for awhile.  

The first weekend in December, my best friend from college, Lynsay, whom I hadn't seen in two years, came down from Maryland to see me. My brother is currently working at Disney and was able to get the two of us, and his girlfriend, Sarah, into a couple of the parks for a day.  It was such a sweet time to catch up and be reminded of how blessed I am for such a precious friendship.

No lines at the "Character Stop" gave us a reason to smile with Pluto!

The second weekend in December I took a roadtrip over to Brandon, FL to see my dear friend, Linda (who is back in the DR with me now!) and up to Pine Mountain, GA to see another amazing woman in my life, Rhonda.  I so enjoyed my time spent with both women as I once again sought wisdom, direction, and restoration from the Lord.  Not to mention the long hours of driving alone were so good for my soul amid the holiday chaos.

Pitch black on the "Fantasy of Lights" trolley in Callaway Gardens, GA with Rhonda!

Being back in the states this time around was more difficult than the first.  I don't know if it was because I had been more saturated in the Dominican culture during the Suchers' furlough or if it was the heightened sense of consumerism during the holidays, but my heart and head were reeling.  I even recall tearfully breaking down in the middle of a Kohl's, overcome with feelings of selfishness and guilt that the amount of money I spent could feed a family for a month in Redemption or any other village.

I know it's normal for missionaries to experience a reverse culture shock, but I didn't think it would hit me quite so hard, especially since I had made a trip back earlier that year.

I also began grappling with the realization that my year-long commitment to the Lord and the Suchers in the DR had come to an end.  Naturally, I began asking myself the tough questions.

Were the goals that I set out to do accomplished? 

Do I continue on the path I've been going or does God have something different?

What is that "something different"?

What does God want me to do now?

All these questions, the fears of the unknown, and the emotions of being in a first-world country again weighed so heavily on me.  I felt like I was drowning in a sea of confusion, uncertain of which way was up.

After prayer and seeking wisdom from spiritual counsels in my life, I sensed the Lord was redirecting me, but I had no idea where to... in the DR? in Florida? in the States?

All I knew was that I had my ticket booked back to the DR January 3rd, 2013.  Beyond that, I stepped out in faith that the Lord would lead me, claiming hold of Isaiah 30:21...

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."      

I returned to the DR with expectancy, accepting that God could call me home or open a new door here. After three days, the Lord told me to "wait" before I made any decisions.

Wait? Wait for what?  I don't particularly enjoy waiting, but I know what God says of those who do wait on Him (Isaiah 40:31, Lamentations 3:25, Isaiah 64:4, Isaiah 30:18, Psalm 37:7-9... just to name a few).

I have been praying that the Lord would remove any spirit of confusion and bring wisdom and clarity.  I want to honor God with my life and follow His will, so much that I began fearing that I would make a poor decision, fall out of His will, and ruin His plans.

Last weekend I attended a women's "Encounter" retreat where the Lord brought an end to these fears.  He sees my heart, He sees my desire to honor and please Him, and He loves me not because of who I am or what I have done, but because of who He is and what He has done.

While on the retreat, the Lord fulfilled a desire in me to be baptized again.  I was baptized as an infant, but last year the Lord placed it on my heart to be baptized by my choice.  I know it makes no difference to my salvation, but it was something I so wanted to do in my relationship with the Lord, knowing the scriptural significance of such a decision.  So around 11 pm Saturday night, I was baptized among amazing Spirit-filled women... wouldn't have changed a thing!

Our Pastor here also delivered a word that is still lingering in the air around me.  He charged us to heed the words of Paul in Philippians 3:13-14 and ask the Lord what that "one thing" is in our life that stirs deep passion and excitement.  What is that "one thing," that one desire God has placed in your heart?

I knew right away.  That "one thing" for me is for God's children to know they are deeply loved, to know that they are important, and to know that He has divine plans for their lives.  

The Lord is answering prayers all around me, closing doors and opening others.  In time, I know everything will be made clear.  I'm excited about all that is happening on the north coast and I truly sense a revival breaking out.

Though I don't have all the pieces, the Lord is bringing direction. I'm still praying and would love for you to join me.

When I know, you'll know.  I'll try to be "on time" next post.